Thursday, December 5, 2013

Forgiveness. Are You Resisting?

A few years ago something just wasn't right with me. I had this continual niggling in the back of my mind that I needed to do something, but I was obstinate, refusing to acknowledge what was wrong. I finally started studying  my Bible. I gravitated toward the verses to do with parenting and the responsibilities of parents toward their children. I tell you as I read I was heartbroken and I realized what I needed to do. But I was defiant and fought doing what I knew was right and of course satan whispered in my ear all the things that fed my fear.

Things like, don't ask for forgiveness, they'll think you're weak. Don't admit you were wrong they'll use it against you. Don't seek reconciliation, why should you be the one to always step forward first. You've been wronged too. On and on it went with me opposing taking action. Eventually I could withstand it no longer and I sat down and wrote a letter from the deepest, scariest, most unseen depths of my heart asking for forgiveness. Asking for something that laid me bare, but I trusted God to give me the words to say. Then I waited.

I knew I was asking something that until you have to put it into practice and are asked to forgive is easy. I had to trust that God knew best and that with his guidance I had used the right words so the initiation of healing could begin. For days I heard nothing and so I finally sent an email. In the next few emails the tone of the one I asked forgiveness of was wary. I could sense how my asking forgiveness had uncovered old wounds and at first  I was met with inflexibility because of old hurts. But as we talked I could see those old hurts melt away and forgiveness begin. I wish I could say we lived happily ever after, but life isn't a fairytale.I finally gave is and quit resisting and the fears I had turned out to be lies. Nothing I feared came to pass.

God had prompted me to do what I should have done years earlier, but I had resisted. I had foolishly torn down the walls of my house with my own hands instead of building them up. I had hampered and hindered relationships because I resisted giving up control. Don't be fooled by thinking a poor relationship doesn't have far reaching consequences. It can reach past the present relationship far into the next generations.

My bit of advice from the perspective of my experience is never let the sun go down on your anger. Make amends immediately after a disagreement, ask for forgiveness if you have wronged another and don't be so concerned with who is right.














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