You Are Not HOPELESS!

Years ago I started a journey that I was invited  to go on. I was so excited, but I had no idea what I was going to encounter and how I was going to grow and be changed by my travels.   I had a destination and my goal was to get there! I was ready and faunching at the bit  to go.  Well you know how it is with any trip you begin. You leave on your journey and then you start thinking. You think did I turn off that iron, did I lock the door, did I put a hold on the mail etc?  When I walked over the threshold of my door I KNEW I was ready, but once I started toward my destination I had fears,began second guessing myself, thinking to myself will they like me, will I be good enough, will I measure up? Who did I think I was?

On and On it went and pretty soon I was disheartened and discouraged, but I kept plugging away putting one foot in front of the other.  My thoughts were stealing my joy and I was letting peace fly right out the window! Not only that, but my baggage seemed to get heavier and heavier the longer I traveled. I tried to do all the right things, see all the sights, read all about them and study them and attempted to act first and think later . Some days it worked. Then I would hit a snag and someone would say something to me either I didn’t understand or that made me feel ignorant. I tried   to pretend I was with it. That I knew how to travel and I knew the ropes, but the truth was I was new at this traveling gig. I hadn’t yet realized I was listening to the wrong people part of the time. People who had never really traveled or who had stopped traveling and were outside my traveling circle. I looked like a traveler on the outside, but on the inside I was not yet grounded and confidant, secure in who I was as a traveler.

I made so many mistakes along the way at the beginning of the trip I came near to being left behind by my fellow travelers! Yes, I undertook a journey with other travelers! They weren’t going to force me to continue and they let me make up my own mind to continue or not.  To make matters worse I was traveling with foreigners and at first I just did not understand a lot of what they did or said. They had funny ideas too, and they were always reading. Not to mention, many times they would break out singing. That always threw me into a panic, because I didn’t know the words, the tunes or the songs. I would try to sing along, but most of the time I just sat there like a bump on a log trying to sing, but only managing every fifth word or so, or the chorus of the tunes.

My fellow travelers had meetings too. At first I couldn’t fathom why they regularly got together like they did, but I went along with it. Getting up early or staying late, and getting to those meetings on time and studying what they discussed so I would be presentable and could participate was at first a lot of work for me. After a while of traveling together though I began to notice a peculiar thing. I began to understand their ideas and thoughts. I also learned the words to the songs they sang and began to sing with them. I even understood their language! Getting to those meetings on time was becoming less and less of a chore and more and more of an anticipation that made me feel excited and eager.

Another thing I noticed was my memory improved and my fears subsided. I worried less and less  about what I had done, about my past,  if others liked me or if I would be good enough. MY joy stopped being stolen and started to increase. It increased and increased until it over-flowed and I felt compelled  to share it. That’s how it is with joy. It’s contagious and you can’t help, but share it. It kind of just rubs off on others.

By now you might be thinking my  journey was all peaceful and without problems for the rest of the trip by this point. Not so, in fact I can’t begin to relate how many awful and grievous things happened. Things so out of the norm of everyday life that no one expects to have to deal with them in daily life let alone while traveling.  Those problems or road bumps as I might call them didn’t deter me from my final destination goal though.  I sometimes traveled slower and I sometimes sought out a shoulder to cry on, but you know what? My fellow travelers were amazing! They held me when I cried, gave me a shoulder to cry on, shared sound advice and pointed me in the right direction and helped me keep on the right path. They taught me how to talk to my father about life’s hurdles and it really helped. I didn’t always have a relationship with him. My fellow travelers knew that and encouraged me to spend time with him during my journey.  All along the way they also laughed with me and shared good times and joy too. Eventually I began to read also and the more I read the more I wanted answers to my questions about this trip. I also wanted to know who I was and what my purpose was.  Who did I think I was? Well from the beginning of my journey to now, who I think I am changed.

In the beginning, when I stated this trip I had no idea who I was. Not really who I was or why I was.  I thought I was traveling with foreigners, but I came to understand I was a foreigner too.  I am so glad my fellow travelers are still traveling with me on this journey! Read on and be encouraged!

All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a country of their own. And indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead they were longing for a better country – a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. Hebrews 11:29

WOW! So God wasn’t ashamed to be associated with me.  It matters not so much how the world defines me or who they say I am. Who am I? Who does God say I am?

I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters,  says the Lord Almighty. 2 Corinthians 6:17-18

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!  1 John 3:1

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. Romans 8:17

I have the privilege of being a daughter of the King! I am one of his heirs! I am a child of God, one of his own!  I am NOT an orphan and I am NOT alone! My father is the King of Kings.

Sisters and brothers take heart.  Don’t be discouraged, be encouraged. Don’t be disheartened, be heartened. Cast off the cares of this world and don’t let the baggage this world would heap on you with suffering  cause you to doubt your salvation and who you are. Be assured you are a child of God and have been adopted into his family. He is your father and you are his child.

 For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath, but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ.  1 Thessalonians 5:9

If you don’t know him yet and think you have to get cleaned up first put that fear aside. Christ died on the cross so that all may be forgiven of sin and he did that before you or anyone else ever attempted to get cleaned up.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son,  that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal  life. John 3:16

 All the cleaning in the world that I ever did on my own to make myself presentable and look good never wiped away or absolved one smidge of my sin. That would be a monumental and overwhelming task that I can never achieve on my own no matter how clean I get, how good I am, how much good I do, or how pious I appear.  I have had tragedies happen and I have grieved and been wounded, but God never once looked at me and said you are HOPELESS!

Scripture says,  You will be secure because there is hope; you will look  about you and take your rest in safety.  Job 11:18

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my savior, my God will hear me. Micah 7:7

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.  Hebrews 10:23

And hope does not disappointed us because, God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom he has given us.  Romans 5:5

Who do you think you are? God says you are His child, you are forgiven, you have hope, you have a future, you will be secure because there is hope, and you are saved! You are most precious, a rare jewel and YOU were worth dying for. 



You can also read my post as today's guest blogger  at, Home Grown Hearts Academy. Jennifer is my daughter-in-law and a wonderful and talented blogger. Check her blog out with this link.

It"s No Secret What The Lord Can Do

This week we have been having a relaxed week of school. We are in between unit studies.  I thought it was a good time to really get down to the nitty gritty of teaching why kindness and manners, empathy and compassion matter.

 I once heard a woman, who's name I have forgotten, speak at our church during a women's luncheon on sharing the gospel. I forgot her name, but I have never forgotten her message. The most important thing I took away from her message that day was this. People don't want to hear what they should or shouldn't be doing. They want to hear how the gospel has made a difference in YOUR life. MY life and how has the Lord made a difference?

I have a life that at times even I sometimes think sounds like a soap opera. On my own I would never have been able to get through these situations. I don't have a perfect life or even an easy one and many things I have gone through I would never have chosen. But, because I have went through them I have been able to reach out to others going through similar situations in a way that I never would have been able to before.

I have a  deeper understanding and compassion and my eyes have been opened to see hurting hearts and when another is aching and broken inside. I do believe the Lord heals and binds up our wounds, even our spiritual and mental ones. I also believe he uses others to come along side the heartbroken and help them move forward.

Ecc 4:10 Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. 

Yes, woe to him who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Grief can be consuming and a grieving individual with no one to help or care or have a loving hand extended is much more susceptible to depression and prolonged grief. I'm not saying there is a time table to grief either. I am saying lifting another up can help them move forward instead of being stuck in their grief.

Those who are hurting spiritually can be hard to get near and that is why kindness and manners, empathy and compassion are so important. They are important all the time, but especially when someone is hurting, grieving feeling alone.  

When my first husband died I wasn't in church. I had no relationship with the Lord and yet I turned to him. I've asked myself over the years why did I turn toward the Lord when so many turn away during times of crisis and grief? I think , for me, the answer was I had a friend who cared enough to call and keep calling and checking on me. She wasn't a friend at the time, but she became a very good friend over many months. When others forgot or turned away or my grief became something others felt should be over she kept coming back and lifting me up. In the beginning she didn't know me from Adam, but she saw that I was hurting and she was always there and she kept being there. I can tell you it did make a difference.

Over time she led me to the Lord. If she had turned away or forgotten my grief, if she hadn't kept lifting me up when I was down I probably wouldn't be where I am today. Because she made a difference in my life, years later I have been an influence in my daughter in laws life. I think it's important to note that by lifting one person up we never know how far reaching that will be. How many lives will be touched and effected by reaching out to one. Sometimes living our faith in  our lives touch more lives than we could ever imagine. God worked through a stranger who became a friend to reach me!

I found this movie on netflix and it had such a message of kindness, compassion, empathy and expressed manners so well that I want to share it. It's a bit of a tear jerker, but I think you'll enjoy it as much as I did. Watching this will definitely be  part of our school day today. Hope it blesses you as it did me.

 

The Secrets of Jonathan Sperry 2009 Official Trailer

I Refuse To Empty Today Of It's Joy And Strength

Just as summer was about to begin I became sick this year. It happened suddenly and without warning. Three times this summer I had the same symptoms of extreme fatigue, fever, lethargy, joint pain, a rash and swelling in my bosom area. I made an appointment with my gynecologist, but wasn't able to get in for six weeks to see him. In the meantime, while waiting, each time I had a recurrent bout of sickness my main concern was taking care of my family and homeschooling. Each time I was able to recover and take care of my family. Once we began school this year the bouts of sickness didn't return.

Once I was able to see my doctor it was decided one of the first things to do was send me for a mammogram. A week and a half later I had one done and when I hadn't heard anything after a month I breathed a sigh of relief that I was in the clear. The very next day I received a call that something was seen on my mammogram and I needed to have a repeat one done and also an u/s. A few days later I had that done as well. By this time it was in the last half of September. After viewing the u/s and the mammogram the doctor decided the two areas were questionable and needed to be biopsied. Yes, both sides were involved.

Now I have to say in all these weeks I did wonder to myself how I would react if I received news that I had cancer, but I refused to dwell on that. I decided just like I had the first time I had a breast biopsy that no matter what God was with me. I prayed, I had others praying for me and I trusted that worrying would get me no where. In fact I refuse to use the word worry. If I am bothered by something I would rather take my concern to the Lord, trust in him and pray than worry.

Psalm 138:8 says: The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O LORD, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands.

This verse tells me that my Lord is concerned about what concerns me! He created me in my mothers womb, he knit me together and he has plans for me. He is merciful and loving. The day of the test I went alone since my husband works nights and needed to sleep. I wasn't concerned about the biopsy, but I was concerned about laying in one position for a long time and having both sides numbed. I asked friends to specifically pray at the time I was to have the procedure done. You know what those prayers carried me through!

When my named was called by the nurse I waltzed back to have the biopsy done after getting changed and putting that skimpy cape on with no concerns. The doctor and nurses were extremely calming and told me before they did anything and explained every noise, click, touch they did before they did it. They talked and included me in their conversation and honestly I had no idea that an hour and a half had passed when they said they were finished. It was a much better and calmer experience than the first time I had a biopsy done.

I was told depending on the testing needed I could hear something the next day or up to a week later. Today I received the wonderful news that both biopsies were benign! I was so happy and very glad I had trusted that the Lord would work things out. Very happy that I didn't waste any time worrying. I keep thinking over and over what Corrie Ten Boom said about worry.

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of sorrow - it empties today of strength.” Corrie ten Boom

 I think that is so true. Worry empties our days of joy. It saps our strength. It effects our outlook and focus. And it also dampens our faith and clouds hope. Worry attaches shackles to what is bothering us and keeps us locked in worry instead of in prayer. Worry erodes. There is nothing that worry will add to my life and much it could steal if I gave into it.

When I received that phone call today telling me the biopsies were benign I was tickled and giddy, but not really surprised. One of the first things I did was give thanks to Jesus for the peace that had surrounded me all these months and a wonderful report from the doctor. Then I had to make phone calls and share the evidence with everyone how God was with me the whole time. I feel great today and I choose joy and strength over doom and gloom and worry that adds nothing to my life and could be a negative influence on others. Who knows who I might have had an influence on today by a positive attitude. I believe we can build God's Kingdom more than we realize by our attitudes. I also believe we can also damage the word of our testimony by being negative.

 Proverbs 14:1 cautions that,  The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. 

 My desire is to build my house and the Lord's Kingdom and whatever opportunities I'm given to do that I will be grateful for.  God is Good! He is faithful and I want to sing it from the rooftops!

When Life Hands You A Crisis

A few years ago I would never have thought I would be writing a post like this, but here I am. This post doesn't have a lot to do with homeschooling, but how we've dealt with a crisis we faced while homeschooling. A little over three years ago our family went through a monumental, life changing experience. We are living in the aftermath of that time today and finally coming out of the dark valley. There are blessings we encounter everyday and we are thankful for them.

Yet I want to be perfectly frank when I say I do not hold with the old adage that God will never allow us more than we can bear. That is not Biblical. I have certainly felt I have been allowed more than I can bear at times. Several times in fact. The first is when I lost my first husband, then when my dad died and last was a few years ago. It's arrogant to believe we will never be allowed more than we can bear. To me, saying that is akin to believing one doesn't need God. Because one hasn't faced mind numbing grief or anything that can't be bared on our own. Or somehow managed to muddle through on our own, but how much more comfort, how much less pain could we have been spared if we gave up control? It's those times when I have been brought to my knees that I have been drawn closer to the Lord and relied on Him more than ever. In fact hearing, God will never allow us more than we can bear, during times of grief and crisis caused me to feel exasperated.  It made me feel like something was wrong with me because I felt like I was drowning in the initial throws of the crisis. I certainly felt like God HAD allowed me more than I could bear on my own. It most definitely was more than I could face by myself.

Reaching out to my life preserver, my Lord was what kept me from sinking. Not being strong in my own right. I was strong because I was leaning on the Lord. On my own I was weak.  I was able to persevere because of my faith in Jesus. Oh, but so many times I felt so alone. So many times when I needed a human touch, some heart felt compassion, some wise words of hope, what I got was, God will never allow us more than we can bear. Well I was being crushed, my spirit weighed down, my heart heavy with grief. The next words you read are from words recorded in my journal during that time.

                                                      Where are my stretcher bearers?

When you face a long period of continual stressful events that keep coming one after another in a huge barrage do you find yourself surrounded by miserable comforters? Do you feel like Job or Job's wife? Or sometimes a little of both? Does it seem like a huge blessing to make it five more minutes? To be able to breath and even take a breath? When your world is turned upside down do you find blessings in the simplest and tiniest things? Do you ever wonder what it's like to walk a path that is full of excruciating hurt and pain and to feel like everyone has deserted you except God and sometimes it feels like even he is a little distant? And in all that pain and hurt and discouragement do you find yourself focusing only on your own troubles and getting impatient with others who don't seem to care or understand? Are you envious of others seeming joy and fun and carefree times?  Do you wonder how people pick themselves up and keep going when the going gets so hard it's an almost impassable path? Why will no one let me grieve what I have lost and feel it's blackness and the hurt? Why are they so frightened of it? Why do they tell me I don't have to be strong all the time and yet if I crumble and fall apart they become extremely uncomfortable? Why are they always spouting wisdom and yet not giving what I need most a loving, compassionate and empathetic ear and shoulder? Why are they long on advice and so short on giving comfort? Why can they not accept there are some things they just aren't going to know about?

 Our middle daughter has been in prison for a little over three years. I will never forget the first visit when she was in jail. I sobbed uncontrollably. Then the first visit once she was transferred to prison. I was terrified to go alone, but I did. It was fear of the unknown. Once I got to the prison though other visitors showed me the ropes. I had no idea I couldn't wear jewelery, a watch, take my purse in or could only take in one key.  I didn't even realize the quarters I brought for the vending machines had to be taken out of their wrappers. Thankfully other visitors informed me and helped me learn how to do things.  I've learned over the years to take our blessings where we find them. Getting to see my daughter on Mother's day, sharing my birthday with her this year during a visit, guards that are kind all mean so much and we count them as blessings. Having funds to send her so she can purchase needed items, getting to talk to her by phone, getting cards from her, her being accepted into the mentoring program etc. When she went to work in the prison clinic some of the guards and staff got to know her better. She was no longer a nameless, faceless prisoner with a number. She was a person deserving of being treated with dignity. All these things are blessings.

Our world was turned upside down a little over three years ago, but we have been blessed. I have had my world turned upside down and I have walked a path of excruciating pain, but I have made it many times more than five minutes since then. I have been afforded opportunities to reach out to others of incarcerated loved ones. My impossible path has been made passable. Instead of looking and wailing for a stretcher bearer I have tried to be a stretcher bearer for others. Others I wouldn't have spoken to or took the time of day for before I now see through new eyes. I am ashamed that I used to feel that way.  I can still remember thinking as I looked around during that first prison visit, other than their clothes the women here look like anyone on the street. There was a variation of people visiting. Obviously well-to-do, street-wise, farm people, those with tattoe and piercings, city folk, hippie types, poor, middle class, grandparents, parents, children, babies, handicapped, aunts, uncles, husbands etc. Each with a loved one in prison. Each prisoner with a story and every one in that room with family that loved them.

 What I have found is that people are people. If you take away the faceless mask of judgment and make it personal they will begin to understand. If you want people to change you have to be willing to change first. I've learned that sometimes doing the right thing is hard, but it's still always right. I've learned that sometimes I don't want to do the right thing, but I strive to do it because it is pleasing to the Lord. I've learned that joy and hope are contagious. I've learned that a negative spirit can poison not just my outlook, but others as well. I've come to understand where God leads me will not always be acceptable to the world, but I am not of this world. I've had to face the fact that in this life I will have things I go through and suffer that are more than I can bear. But I can bear them because of Christ. I've come to understand and embrace a moment is fleeting and I can face all things through Christ.

Allowing myself rest and to be able to say no is not a luxury or being lazy. Sometimes it;s necessary. A slower pace doesn't mean failure. As long as I keep moving forward and don't give in to self pity. Thinking on good and helpful things is helpful. If my focus wavers and doesn't stay steady then I veer off from the straight path. I've learned it's okay to allow myself to grieve and it's okay to need help. I've allowed myself to step back from toxic people in my life especially when they effect my spiritual walk. I've learned that journaling the Word has been a huge help to me. It helps me see the areas of growth in my life during a crisis. I've learned that sometimes having no words when I pray and just sobbing or crying out to the Lord is a language he understands even if I don't know what I need at the time. I've learned I can face  whatever comes with confidence because of my Lord, whether our daughter receives an early parole or has to serve her full sentence. God is still in control!

At the beginning of this crisis experience I had no idea what a learning experience this would be for me. What a time of eye opening vision and growth of compassion for those locked away from society. Years ago I painted a saying on my living room wall. It says, Today's trials are tomorrow's testimonies. I feel we are sometimes allowed to go through some things in life so we can learn to be more understanding. To gain a better insight of a situation we have closed our mind and eyes and heart to. We are allowed to see things from the other perspective because this gives us understanding to help in a way we never would have been able to comprehend before. With God at the helm and leading I feel confident that we and our daughter will have a great testimony that will help others. We may have times of sorrow now, but joy will come in the morning and with it a great testimony of God's goodness and grace in times of crisis. 

One of my favorite pictures of me with my five older kids. In order from oldest to youngest. This was taken about a year pre-crisis. My middle daughter is the one in the red t-shirt. Isn't she a beautiful young woman? All my kids are pretty spectacular I think and all gifts from God!


You might be interested in this blog post from a wonderful blogger. She shares her heart. Read the message in Jamerrill's own words. Here's her story.